Ever feel like quitting? "Are you kidding?" you ask, "A better question would be, 'How many times TODAY have I felt like quitting?' " Sure. We've all felt like "throwing in the towel" at one time or another. If you haven't, I suggest that you check your pulse quickly. And here's a real shocker for you: the notion that "winners never quit" is a crock! Everyone - even "winners"- has not only felt like it, but has even quit at one time or another.
The "road of life" that we each travel isn't one endless stretch of flat, paved expressway, but rather, is filled with curves, crests, valleys, detours, potholes and bumps. It is its very unpredictability that makes it so interesting and alluring. We just have to see what's around the next curve. It's that same unpredictability that makes for some real gut-tightening questions and fears as well.
Having said that, I do feel that we, too often, give up on our dreams too easily and quickly - perhaps, just one small step short of success. So what do you do when the going gets tough and you feel like quitting? Here are ten strategies that you can employ when you hit those apparent "roadblocks" on your road of life:
1. Remember the reason(s) you started in the first place. What was the "spark" that caused you to begin the journey? Revisiting that may help rekindle the flame that helps you go on.
2. Ask yourself, "What would I rather be doing?" If nothing compelling comes to mind, then determine the next step you need to take to move you closer to your original destination. If something more compelling does come to mind, maybe you need to quit.
3. List 10 reasons why you CAN keep going. What strengths and resources do you possess that will help you achieve your desired outcome? Just the very act of doing this shifts your focus from the problem to the solution.
4. Give yourself permission to quit. Sounds crazy, but it works. When you set up an internal law that says, "I can't quit." Or "I shouldn't quit", it makes the desire to quit even stronger.
5. Give yourself a need to continue. Rather than focus on why you feel you need to quit, focus on why you need to continue. What's the payoff, the reward waiting for you if you persevere?
6. Stop focusing on the struggle and start focusing on the solution. Whatever you focus on expands. If your focus is on the struggle you are experiencing, that becomes the biggest (and maybe even the ONLY) thing on your "horizon" It blocks out many, if not all, of the creative opportunities and solutions that may be trying to present themselves to you.
7. Take a hard look at your methodology. Tired of getting poor or less than optimum results from your efforts? Then why keep doing things the same way an expecting something different to happen? That's the classic definition of insanity! Ask yourself, "What's the most radical or unorthodox action I could take right now?" Try it.
8. Make a contract with yourself. Write out what you intend to accomplish and how you intend to accomplish it and then give yourself, say, six months to achieve your goal. Sign and date it and keep it where you can see it. You might even impose some kind of "penalty" for breaking the contract - no chocolate for a month, maybe.
9. Get real. Were you enticed by the "illusion" that success is easy? Maybe you were enamored by the "fluff" that if you just want something badly enough, it will find its way to your doorstep. Success is WORK. Pure and simple. It is the result of a certain mindset as well as a set of deliberate actions. If you want to quit something, then quit fooling yourself by thinking it's going to be a "piece of cake".
10. Walk away. Sometimes looking at something too hard or long obscures the solutions. It's the "can't see the forest for the trees" phenomenon. By simply walking away or taking a break from the struggle to solve, you often free your mind to see new options and opportunities.
Monty J. Sharp is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst, self-proclaimed Relentless Architect of Human Possibilities" and co-founder of Vision to Venture, LLC, an executive coaching company dedicated to providing an interpersonal approach to high performance executives, managers, individuals and work teams: Visit him on the web at http://www.VisionToVenture.com or via e-mail at monty@VisionToVenture.com.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Keeping Perspective: When Bad Things Happen That Are Not Life Threatening
The very first thing to question is how important is this in the overall scheme of life? Compared to all of the things that have happened, are happening, and could happen in my life - how bad is this? Is it something that will impact the rest of my life? Is it temporary? Although the pain may not feel like it's temporary, it usually is. It's important to get a perspective. If your car has been stolen, that's a major nuisance that will cost you time and money to replace, but how does that compare to a diagnosis of cancer? If your marriage is ending, it can be extremely painful, but your life will continue no matter how bleak circumstances may seem. So wouldn't it be easier to find a way to transcend the pain and move on, let go, and take away the power from the negativity? Wouldn't it be more pleasant to look at the 'bright side'? and yes! There always is a flip side! It may not be one you believe in at the moment, it may not be where you want to focus, but there IS another perspective.
It's good to keep in mind - although during the painful period it's not always the first thought - that out of every crisis comes an opportunity. No matter how bleak or dire circumstances may seem, we can't change them, but we CAN control how we view them. Again, it's our perspective - our "Point of View" (P.O.V.)
Usually when something bad happens, we take it personally. For instance, when a boss is constantly yelling, demanding and being unreasonable, we feel as though we are not okay, our well-being is in question. In actuality, it's usually not personal - not about us. It feels as though it's coming AT you - so often, we say "Why me?" but it's not really ABOUT you. It's usually the other person venting, feeling frustrated angry and they are holding the emotion. You only take it on if you choose to do so. Eleanor Roosevelt said it beautifully: "You can't make someone feel inferior without their consent."
Now that the bad thing has happened, you have the ability to stop giving it power and energy and to begin feeling free and truly let it go. Only by holding on to the thoughts of the past, can they stay alive. What are you getting out of hanging onto it? The negativity can be draining your energy, taking up time, keeping you from other things. We may want revenge, may want to vent our anger, or choose to stay in the victim 'poor me' role, and feel sorry for ourselves. That's okay initially - briefly, but it becomes a waste of energy when life is continuing without us.
The main choice is to transcend it (not often easy when you are enmeshed in the pain) or if possible, do something about it... otherwise you are whining, Complaining seems like you are doing something about it when you really are NOT. What you are doing is feeding the pain or anger so that it stays alive and well. By letting it go, it dies; it disappears; it can be left behind. If you are unhappy with the way your boss or significant other treats you, you could possibly have a talk with him/her explaining how unhappy you are - how their behavior is affecting you; you can leave the job; you can look at the bright side - you HAVE a job, or you could continue to complain and experience the same old, same old. While there are many more options possible, the first one has to be how you view the situation - as that's the ONLY place where you have complete control. By coming into the present and focusing on the positives - no matter how difficult it may be, you are taking control and taking the first step towards freedom.
Invitation to Experiment: Think about the things that you are holding onto from the past. What is still swirling in your mind that is no longer truly relevant to you right now? Where can you change your point of view (P.O.V.) and affect a difference in how you feel about a situation? What have you been complaining about lately? Is there something you can do about it? What are you believing is directed at you? Can you see it from another perspective so that you can see that it's about the other person and not about you?
Marion Franklin - is a Professional Certified Life Coach who coaches individuals and groups regarding personal and professional change, focus, human relations, and conflict management. Marion has coached managers at major corporations including PepsiCo, Toys'R'Us, and Reader's Digest. She conducts and help clients design workshops and presentations, has been a featured presenter at meetings, retreats, and an ongoing Women's Workshop Series, has been cited in The Journal News and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on local Cable Television. http://www.lifecoachinggroup.com
It's good to keep in mind - although during the painful period it's not always the first thought - that out of every crisis comes an opportunity. No matter how bleak or dire circumstances may seem, we can't change them, but we CAN control how we view them. Again, it's our perspective - our "Point of View" (P.O.V.)
Usually when something bad happens, we take it personally. For instance, when a boss is constantly yelling, demanding and being unreasonable, we feel as though we are not okay, our well-being is in question. In actuality, it's usually not personal - not about us. It feels as though it's coming AT you - so often, we say "Why me?" but it's not really ABOUT you. It's usually the other person venting, feeling frustrated angry and they are holding the emotion. You only take it on if you choose to do so. Eleanor Roosevelt said it beautifully: "You can't make someone feel inferior without their consent."
Now that the bad thing has happened, you have the ability to stop giving it power and energy and to begin feeling free and truly let it go. Only by holding on to the thoughts of the past, can they stay alive. What are you getting out of hanging onto it? The negativity can be draining your energy, taking up time, keeping you from other things. We may want revenge, may want to vent our anger, or choose to stay in the victim 'poor me' role, and feel sorry for ourselves. That's okay initially - briefly, but it becomes a waste of energy when life is continuing without us.
The main choice is to transcend it (not often easy when you are enmeshed in the pain) or if possible, do something about it... otherwise you are whining, Complaining seems like you are doing something about it when you really are NOT. What you are doing is feeding the pain or anger so that it stays alive and well. By letting it go, it dies; it disappears; it can be left behind. If you are unhappy with the way your boss or significant other treats you, you could possibly have a talk with him/her explaining how unhappy you are - how their behavior is affecting you; you can leave the job; you can look at the bright side - you HAVE a job, or you could continue to complain and experience the same old, same old. While there are many more options possible, the first one has to be how you view the situation - as that's the ONLY place where you have complete control. By coming into the present and focusing on the positives - no matter how difficult it may be, you are taking control and taking the first step towards freedom.
Invitation to Experiment: Think about the things that you are holding onto from the past. What is still swirling in your mind that is no longer truly relevant to you right now? Where can you change your point of view (P.O.V.) and affect a difference in how you feel about a situation? What have you been complaining about lately? Is there something you can do about it? What are you believing is directed at you? Can you see it from another perspective so that you can see that it's about the other person and not about you?
Marion Franklin - is a Professional Certified Life Coach who coaches individuals and groups regarding personal and professional change, focus, human relations, and conflict management. Marion has coached managers at major corporations including PepsiCo, Toys'R'Us, and Reader's Digest. She conducts and help clients design workshops and presentations, has been a featured presenter at meetings, retreats, and an ongoing Women's Workshop Series, has been cited in The Journal News and The Wall Street Journal, and has appeared on local Cable Television. http://www.lifecoachinggroup.com
Friday, October 2, 2009
Make Motivation Stick
Motivation is the elusive elixir. Not only does it help people do good work, and do it faster, but it also helps them feel good about it while they're doing it. Yet motivation always seems temporary, fleeting. We call a meeting, bring in a motivational speaker, and fire up the team. Yet, we know it won't last.
What if we could make it last? What if we could make it easy for everyone on your team to stay motivated day in and day out, regardless of what was going on around them? You could expect higher levels of performance from everyone and create a team with an unstoppable can-do attitude.
Despite its elusive nature, motivation is rather simple to understand. Motivation can be defined as a concerted effort to produce a desired result. So let's think about that for a moment. Why would anyone make a concerted effort to produce a result?
Underlying all motivation must be a belief that winning is possible, that the result is attainable. When people stop believing that they can win, that they have little chance for success, their efforts directed at achieving that success fade. However, people can remain motivated day after day when they are playing a game they believe they can win.
Motivation can be made a permanent part of your organization's environment when you provide the three keys that will allow your team members to believe that they can win, that they are unstoppable.
What's the Plan?
The first key is a strategy. A strategy is a best-guess plan that expedites the accomplishment of desired goals. Motivation depends on having a clear path to accomplishing a desired result. It's OK if every detail is not in place and a few variables exist, but the path to success must not be shrouded in fog. However, the plan must be complete enough to permit the belief in a successful end result.
When the plan is in doubt, motivation is ruled out.
While desire is a powerful motivator, so is anger. When Osama bin Laden was linked to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, the wrath of angry Americans was focused on him. Emotions were high, and it would have been easy to fill an airplane bound for Afghanistan to hunt him down.
If you were on that plane, imagine how your excitement and motivation would soon fade when you learned that the "plan" was to drop you into Afghanistan and let you figure out how to find Osama. Without a clear path for getting past the enemy and finding bin Laden, your early determination would soon turn to despair. We all need a plan that we believe can work.
It's Tool Time!
The second key to motivation is tools. To stay motivated, individuals must believe that they have access to the tools they need to execute the plan. No matter how wonderful the plan, excitement will fade as soon as people discover that resources are inadequate to permit delivery of the goods.
This is the common de-motivator present in the "do more with less" admonition. Expectations of employees are raised and more is expected while resources are systematically removed. Left to their own cleverness, employees can often find ways to get more done with fewer resources if they are allowed to substitute a more productive resource for a more costly one. Unfortunately these "do more with less" initiatives often remove tools and resources without permitting for their replacement by the necessary cost efficient tools to get the higher expectations accomplished.
When tools don't exist, motivation is at risk.
Let's go back to Afghanistan. I'm betting you'd like some tools, and I'm not talking about a shovel or nice power saw. A gun would be good for starters. And bullets. While we're making a list, let's add grenades, two-way radio, Kevlar vest, and a rocket launcher. Oh, food and a canteen would be really good. And a map to get us back home.
"Do more with less" rings hollow when the stakes are high, like when your life is on the line. Make sure your team has the proper tools to tackle the tasks ahead of them and dispatch them productively and with confidence.
No Training? No Can-Do!
The third key to maintaining motivation is skills. Individuals must be trained on the skills that allow them to use the tools in the context of execution of the plan. It's not enough to have the resources if their application is left to question.
Skills training still may not accomplish the desired result if it is delivered outside of the context of the plan. A hammer can be used for both driving nails and pulling them out, and it's important to know what needs to be accomplished so that its application supports our desired outcome.
Without skills and training, motivation will be waning.
Forget the guns, Kevlar, and rocket launcher for a moment. Let's suppose we drop you into a tank, such as the magnificently sophisticated Bradley Fighting Vehicle. Without training on how to operate it, you'd be a sitting duck. Maybe you could figure out how to operate it, but possibly at great danger to yourself. What if you loaded the cannon improperly and caused a misfire? How far could you drive without running out of fuel in enemy territory?
At least the tank is firmly planted on solid ground. If put behind the controls of an Apache helicopter without adequate training, the risk to you goes through the roof! Without proper training, motivation is quickly replaced by frustration and fear.
The same things happen every day in workplaces all around us. People show up to work in the morning without a clear idea of how they contribute to the big picture, and without the tools and training to get the job done. Deliver the keys of strategy, tools, and skills, and your people will understand where they're going and how they're going to get there. Those keys will maintain motivation, excitement and enthusiasm by establishing confidence. They assure a successful outcome and are reason enough for employees to stay engaged and fervently work toward the big, bodacious goal you're ultimately after.
With the keys of strategy, tools, and skills, making motivation stick won't seem so elusive after all.
© 2004 Paul Johnson. All rights reserved.
Note: This article is available for reprint at no charge. We only ask that you include our copyright notice in your reprint, along with the About the Author (byline) information we provide at the end of the article.
Paul Johnson of Panache and Systems LLC consults and speaks on business strategy for systematically boosting sales performance using Shortcuts to Yes?. Check out more salesforce development tips at http://panache-yes.com/tips.html. Call Paul direct in Atlanta, Georgia, USA at (770) 271-7719.
What if we could make it last? What if we could make it easy for everyone on your team to stay motivated day in and day out, regardless of what was going on around them? You could expect higher levels of performance from everyone and create a team with an unstoppable can-do attitude.
Despite its elusive nature, motivation is rather simple to understand. Motivation can be defined as a concerted effort to produce a desired result. So let's think about that for a moment. Why would anyone make a concerted effort to produce a result?
Underlying all motivation must be a belief that winning is possible, that the result is attainable. When people stop believing that they can win, that they have little chance for success, their efforts directed at achieving that success fade. However, people can remain motivated day after day when they are playing a game they believe they can win.
Motivation can be made a permanent part of your organization's environment when you provide the three keys that will allow your team members to believe that they can win, that they are unstoppable.
What's the Plan?
The first key is a strategy. A strategy is a best-guess plan that expedites the accomplishment of desired goals. Motivation depends on having a clear path to accomplishing a desired result. It's OK if every detail is not in place and a few variables exist, but the path to success must not be shrouded in fog. However, the plan must be complete enough to permit the belief in a successful end result.
When the plan is in doubt, motivation is ruled out.
While desire is a powerful motivator, so is anger. When Osama bin Laden was linked to the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, the wrath of angry Americans was focused on him. Emotions were high, and it would have been easy to fill an airplane bound for Afghanistan to hunt him down.
If you were on that plane, imagine how your excitement and motivation would soon fade when you learned that the "plan" was to drop you into Afghanistan and let you figure out how to find Osama. Without a clear path for getting past the enemy and finding bin Laden, your early determination would soon turn to despair. We all need a plan that we believe can work.
It's Tool Time!
The second key to motivation is tools. To stay motivated, individuals must believe that they have access to the tools they need to execute the plan. No matter how wonderful the plan, excitement will fade as soon as people discover that resources are inadequate to permit delivery of the goods.
This is the common de-motivator present in the "do more with less" admonition. Expectations of employees are raised and more is expected while resources are systematically removed. Left to their own cleverness, employees can often find ways to get more done with fewer resources if they are allowed to substitute a more productive resource for a more costly one. Unfortunately these "do more with less" initiatives often remove tools and resources without permitting for their replacement by the necessary cost efficient tools to get the higher expectations accomplished.
When tools don't exist, motivation is at risk.
Let's go back to Afghanistan. I'm betting you'd like some tools, and I'm not talking about a shovel or nice power saw. A gun would be good for starters. And bullets. While we're making a list, let's add grenades, two-way radio, Kevlar vest, and a rocket launcher. Oh, food and a canteen would be really good. And a map to get us back home.
"Do more with less" rings hollow when the stakes are high, like when your life is on the line. Make sure your team has the proper tools to tackle the tasks ahead of them and dispatch them productively and with confidence.
No Training? No Can-Do!
The third key to maintaining motivation is skills. Individuals must be trained on the skills that allow them to use the tools in the context of execution of the plan. It's not enough to have the resources if their application is left to question.
Skills training still may not accomplish the desired result if it is delivered outside of the context of the plan. A hammer can be used for both driving nails and pulling them out, and it's important to know what needs to be accomplished so that its application supports our desired outcome.
Without skills and training, motivation will be waning.
Forget the guns, Kevlar, and rocket launcher for a moment. Let's suppose we drop you into a tank, such as the magnificently sophisticated Bradley Fighting Vehicle. Without training on how to operate it, you'd be a sitting duck. Maybe you could figure out how to operate it, but possibly at great danger to yourself. What if you loaded the cannon improperly and caused a misfire? How far could you drive without running out of fuel in enemy territory?
At least the tank is firmly planted on solid ground. If put behind the controls of an Apache helicopter without adequate training, the risk to you goes through the roof! Without proper training, motivation is quickly replaced by frustration and fear.
The same things happen every day in workplaces all around us. People show up to work in the morning without a clear idea of how they contribute to the big picture, and without the tools and training to get the job done. Deliver the keys of strategy, tools, and skills, and your people will understand where they're going and how they're going to get there. Those keys will maintain motivation, excitement and enthusiasm by establishing confidence. They assure a successful outcome and are reason enough for employees to stay engaged and fervently work toward the big, bodacious goal you're ultimately after.
With the keys of strategy, tools, and skills, making motivation stick won't seem so elusive after all.
© 2004 Paul Johnson. All rights reserved.
Note: This article is available for reprint at no charge. We only ask that you include our copyright notice in your reprint, along with the About the Author (byline) information we provide at the end of the article.
Paul Johnson of Panache and Systems LLC consults and speaks on business strategy for systematically boosting sales performance using Shortcuts to Yes?. Check out more salesforce development tips at http://panache-yes.com/tips.html. Call Paul direct in Atlanta, Georgia, USA at (770) 271-7719.
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